Surviving the Storm: My Struggle with Stress & Anxiety
“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor” - Franklin D. Roosevelt
Ever felt like your life's one big juggling act, and just when you thought you had it all together, the balls came crashing down? Picture this: late 2021, and my world turns into a whirlwind of stress and anxiety. So, hop on board because I'm about to take you on a thrilling rollercoaster ride through the chaos that came after. What's in it for you? Well, buckle up because I'm dishing out tips, lessons, and a reassuring dose of "you're not alone."
My journey with anxiety began while I was serving as the Health & Wellbeing Coordinator for a Metropolitan Hospital in Melbourne. Picture this – managing wellbeing programs, support systems, and initiatives for a 6000-strong workforce. Add to that the whole COVID chaos and countless days of lockdown. As if that wasn't enough, I was also coordinating a peer support program and aiding the rollout of our organization's mental health strategy. Oh, and let's not forget building my business Pharus Wellbeing on top of it all!
To put it simply, I was juggling quite a few balls, and eventually, something had to give. What's funny, is that I work in the health and wellbeing sector, supporting others with their mental health challenges, yet I had never been through anything quite as challenging myself. Well, that was about to change….
How It All Began
One day, while attending a morning Teams meeting from my home office, something strange and weird happened. I started experiencing blurry vision out of the blue. I couldn't concentrate on anything, and an unexplained worry engulfed me. It was pretty overwhelming. I headed upstairs to where my partner Alanna was working and said, "Hey, I'm noticing something weird. I think I'm dealing with a lot of anxiousness." I listed everything that I was noticing and Alanna, being her supportive self, responded, "Yeah, it doesn't sound great. It definitely seems like stress or anxiousness."
So, I reached out to my team and my boss, informing them that I wasn't feeling well, and I took the rest of the day off. I figured a good day of rest would do the trick.
But that night, I distinctly remember sitting in the living room, about to go to bed, and then it happened. I was hit by this incredibly loud, high-pitched ringing in my ear. It was so overpowering and annoying that I couldn't ignore it. Panic set in. I started worrying, thinking, "Have I broken my brain? What have I done? Will this noise ever go away? How will I sleep?" The worry escalated to chest pains, increased heart rate, body shakes, and trembling. My stress levels shot through the roof, and I was completely overwhelmed.
The Sleepless Night
I tried going to bed, and normally, I can doze off in less than five minutes. But that night was a living nightmare and probably one of the worst I've ever had. My body was in full-on stress mode, and sleep was nowhere in sight. I lay there trying to slow my breathing, but it didn't work. I attempted several sleep stories using the Calm app (which my partner sometimes used), but no luck. The ringing in my ear persisted. By 2 a.m., I was wide awake but incredibly tired at the same time. At 4 a.m., I had tried every strategy I knew, and nothing worked. The ringing was relentless.
At 5 a.m., I gave up and laid down on the floor at the end of the bed. I covered myself with a doona, right next to the pedestal fan, hoping for some relief. I think I managed to sleep for about 15 minutes. By 7 a.m., Alanna got up, and I had literally gotten no sleep. I was exhausted, the ringing in my ears hadn't stopped, and I was both scared and utterly drained.
My First Tip: See Your GP
That morning, I knew I couldn't function at work. There was no way I was in any state to work, let alone even function properly. So, I called in sick and managed to secure a same-day appointment with my GP. I have a good rapport with her, and I trust her judgment. When I walked into her office with red, sleep-deprived eyes and bags the size of luggage, she could tell I was struggling. I began explaining everything that had happened the day before, and as I recounted the night's ordeal, I broke down, blubbering, crying, and struggling to form coherent sentences. I emphasized how exhausted I was and how badly I needed to sleep.
My GP, the superstar she is, sprang into action. She offered support, showed compassion, and empathy, and she was there to help. She prescribed medication to help me catch up on sleep for a few days and set up my mental health care plan. If you aren’t sure what a mental health care plan is, In a nutshell, a mental health care plan is a vital resource for people facing mental health challenges. It can assist with referrals to additional supports and professionals like psychologists. Plus, it can reduce the financial burden, with the government subsidizing some or all of the costs.
But This Was Just the Beginning
I left my GP's office with a tiny nugget of hope and something to help me sleep. I thought that with a good night's rest, everything would return to normal. Little did I know, I was about to face a deluge of overwhelming and unhelpful thoughts, accompanied by catastrophic thinking, worry, and fear.
Over the next few days, with my body in a perpetual state of stress, calming my body and mind was a daunting task. Alongside the constant ringing in my ears, my mind started catastrophizing everything. My body was tense; I had a perpetually clenched jaw and persistent headaches. Normally, you'd chalk up the headaches to tension, tight shoulders, and move on. But when you're overwhelmed, rational thoughts often fly out the window. My brain shifted from "I'm tense, and I have headaches" to "What if it's a brain tumour? I have chest pain; maybe it's a severe heart problem???" Panic took over.
What Helped During This Time? What Did I Learn?
During this challenging period, I learned some valuable lessons that aided my recovery journey. Here are a couple of key takeaways:
1. Seek Professional Help Early
I can't stress this enough. Let me make this clear. Early intervention is crucial. The earlier you seek help, the shorter your recovery can be and the better the outcomes. I knew from the get-go that I couldn't tackle this on my own. I lacked the tools to handle it. My GP not only assisted with my sleep but also normalized my experience, gave me hope, and connected me with a psychologist I wouldn't have found on my own. She knew their reputation, which made that next step so much easier. I could then begin to work on developing my own coping strategies to help.
I also tapped into my EAP provider and had support sessions with a fantastic mental health nurse. That's why I advocate for EAP programs. My mental health nurse provided short-term coping strategies, normalized my symptoms, taught me breathing techniques, and quelled the fear of the unknown. The best part? I had all my sessions over the phone from the comfort of my couch. If you want to learn more about EAP in further detail, read one of my previous posts Breaking Barriers: Encouraging Help Seeking for Mental Health.
2. A Supportive Boss Can Make All the Difference
I can confidently say that if I didn't have such a compassionate boss and an understanding work team, I wouldn't have been able to come back to work. My boss's words of support – "Take time off, focus on getting well and taking care of yourself; work can wait" – meant the world to me. I felt guilty at the time, thinking I'd let my team down. But his empathy and understanding were the reasons I still admire him like a father figure. I'm incredibly grateful to him. To hear him say that my mental health and wellbeing was the priority, is why I’m so appreciative of him and why I respect him so much.
I also know that not all bosses and leaders are like him. I got lucky. Real lucky. If I was to go through something like that and he turn around and say “I’m sorry but we need you to come back to work” or “take a day off but we need you back tomorrow to finish the project we are working on”, I would have told him to shove the job up his ass and wouldn’t have returned. Through his kindness, he earned my loyalty and gratitude and love. And even though I have moved on from that job, I still go back to see him and the team and still stay connected with them when I can.
It's a reminder for all leaders – don't jump into "fix mode" or "work mode" right away. Start with human mode, engage with compassion, show care, and prioritize the person. Work can wait. Without your team's well-being, there is no work. It still shocks me how many team leaders don’t understand this key principal. You would think it’s just common sense, but unfortunately, it’s not. That’s why I’m so passionate now in educating and training leaders to empower and help them understand how to support someone who may be struggling.
3. Lean on Those Close to You
Not all heroes wear capes. During this journey, my partner Alanna was the real hero. She was my sounding board for all my "what if" moments. She didn't dismiss my thoughts as silly; instead, she listened and let me express my fears repeatedly. She was the one who drove me to the GP and guided me in selecting a psychologist. Alanna was caring, compassionate, understanding, and loving. When I was on the couch, unable to be awake for more than two hours at a time, she didn’t judge me, call me lazy, and have a go at me for not making dinner or not cleaning the house. She knew how challenging this journey was. I mean, what more can you ask for?? I also connected with others who I knew had similar experiences and picked their brain about what worked for them, what to expect, and what help they accessed.
4. Adopt a Learning Mindset
Working through mental health problems is tough, but it's possible to overcome them. I'm living proof. What helped me was approaching my challenges with a learning mindset. I tried to learn as much as I could, given my mental state at the time. I read up on anxiety, its signs, common symptoms, healthy coping strategies, mindfulness apps – you name it, I probably tried it. Anxiety often stems from the fear of the unknown. My unknown fear was my symptoms. Initially, I didn't realize that my catastrophizing thoughts, the tinnitus, the racing heart, and other symptoms were linked to stress and anxiety. I thought something was broken. When I learned more about these symptoms and how common they were, my fear diminished. I understood that I wasn't broken; it was my body's response to stress, and with time and effort, it would subside.
How Common Is Anxiety?
Anxiety is more common than you might think. Recent data from the National Study of Mental Health & Wellbeing shows that nearly 50% of people aged 16-85 experienced a mental disorder at some point, with anxiety being the most prevalent (3.4 million people experienced a 12-month anxiety disorder). Females also face higher rates of anxiety compared to males. Almost 1 in 3 young people aged 16-24 had a 12-month anxiety disorder. These stats highlight that anxiety is common, and it can affect anyone. Especially young Australians who are dealing with anxiety challenges. If you want to learn more about Anxiety, Beyond Blue have some fantastic resources covering anxiety. ReachOut also have some fantastic resources for young people.
Where to Seek Help?
I can't emphasize this enough – the sooner you seek help, the quicker the recovery can be and the better the outcomes. There's a wide array of resources available, and it can be overwhelming at times. If you find yourself in this situation, start by seeing your local GP. If you don't have one, you can find one using healthdirect’s National Health Service Directory. For more information and further tips, visit Beyond Blue’s find a mental health professional page. Our website also has a mental health support page with a list of services available.
Here are a couple of other key mental health support services:
TIACS provides high quality free mental health support to Australia’s blue collar community. TIACS also provides counselling services to anyone who may be a carer, friend or loved on of a blue collar worker who is doing it tough.
Veterans & family counselling was founded by Australia’s Vietnam veterans. It is Australia’s leading provider of mental health assessment and counselling for Australian veterans and their families. Open Arms also support current serving defence members and their families.
A 24 hour nationwide service that provides access to crisis support, suicide prevention and mental health support services.
Remember, it's okay to seek help. You're not alone, and there's support out there to guide you through your journey.
